The best a man can get?

Gillette. Now there is an odd product. Back in the days when I would indulge myself in a wet-shave (and subsiquently slice tiny gashes in my face), I would use Gillette’s odds and ends as they were, in my opinion (humble though it may be) the best on the market. My issue lies with their slogan “The Best A Man Can Get…” which is attributed to every single product that they realise. Now how is that physically possible? How can The Mac Three, and the Mac Three Fusion both be the best a man can get? Surely one is better than the other for some reason or other? Surely one is superior?

Stupid advertising…

Retail sucks balls

I have been working in the retail sector now for nearly seven years. The only thing I have learnt for sure so far is that retail sucks balls. Big hairy balls, on a fat man, who has been jogging. The jobs themselves, they aren’t horrific, and there are actually some really nice ones. What it all boils down to are how you are made to interact with the public, and the pay. The pay I don’t need to go into in any great detail…. basically it’s poor, very poor, and that’s how it makes you feel. Struggling month to month is not a nice thing. I don’t like extravagances, but I do like being “comfortable” which is not an easy task on retail pay. The interaction with the public on the other hand… gradually you become a plastic smiling imitation of yourself cooing “Hello madam, how can I help you today?” whilst inside you are screaming at the idiot woman who doesn’t know what she is looking for and expects you to solve it for her, the guy who knows you don’t sell cake bases, but thought he might ask anyway, the teenage kids who just want to use the store as a playground, the single mothers who get arsey because you don’t happen to have the exact thing they want in stock, the old guy who comes up and asks you if you know where he can find someone who can help him, even though you are standing there in your uniform.

I could have summed this up quite easily really… the stuff you have to deal with in retail isn’t worth the money!

Three cheers for your bed

People really don’t appreciate their beds enough. I say this as I heard a middle aged Daily Mail reader commenting on an article that claims “Four out of five people do not sleep properly”.

My bed is one of my favorite places on the planet, and that is because of how versatile it is! I like to sleep, and can quite happily do that for up to fourteen hours a night… you cannot beat a bed for sleep. Then there is sex… obviously more fun an exciting in spontaneous and unusual places, but the bed is always a welcome and comfortable back up. Eating and drinking can also take place in the comfort of a bed, just watch out for crumbs! I am even writing this article in my bed, snuggled under the duvet. Now all I need to do is find a way to make sky diving possible in a bed, and then it truly will be the best place on Earth.

For blissful ignorance, press your red button now…

The News is a scary thing isn’t it? There has not been a single ‘episode’ of the news lately that doesn’t imply in one way or another, that we are all doomed to a horrible, horrible death. Fear not, this isn’t going to be a blog condemning the media for scare mongering; we all know someone or have read an article by someone ranting about how the media exaggerate… I merely wish to suggest that, seeing as most of the rational thinking world knows we are screwed, why subject yourself to long and pointless news articles about it? I would much rather have the news go a little something like this:

“It’s Monday 18th of July, this is BBC News at 9O’clock. Today a lot of stuff happened, to find out what, stay tuned, or to live in happy, blissful ignorance, press the red button on your sky remote now…”

*click*